the view from the back row

I-Pod, Shmi-Pod

2006-08-23T00:11:00.000+10:00

Yours holds 1,000?

(Supressing polite snicker) I’ve got 17,663 in mine and it’s got 5.1 surround sound!!
Ok, sure, it weighs about 7.5 kilos, needs 240 volt power to run and closely resmbles a desktop pc, but who’s counting right?.......... my 21 inch screen sure kicks your 2 inch screen!!

Ok so what do you do with that much music? Well it usually goes something like this…

Scroll, scroll, scroll, ….nah,
Scroll, scroll, ..hmmm……maybe….nah…..
Scroll, scroll…….etc

I give up, play all, shuffle!

OH MAN!! The joys of the shuffle
(I’m shuffling right now actually)

Stuff I’d forgotten…..Birth of the cool
Stuff I’d repressed…..Billy ocean, Get into my car!
Stuff that should be forgotten……Spandau Ballet
And the stuff that always gets played even though its on shuffle…….

Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince – Boom Shake the Room

Ahhh….. late 80’s rap never goes out of style………..Does it?

And, if the Jackson 5 aint still the funkiest shit ever then I’ll go he……………but that’s just my opinion.

You tag 'em We bag'em

2006-08-23T00:00:00.000+10:00

If you could build a house anywhere, where would it be?
On a lake of raspberry jello with half nude price is right models poking out of it (I’ll leave it up to you to guess which half is nude…..)

What’s your favorite article of clothing? Sean connery’s white tux in goldfinger…..Classy
Favorite physical feature of the opposite sex? Boobs

What’s the last CD that you bought? Gordon goodwin’s Big Phat Band : The Phat Pack. Got it on amazon, gotta be the 2nd best shop in the world

Where’s your favorite place to be? I’m a bloke…….Do the math
Where’s your least favorite place to be? See above

What’s your favorite place to be massaged? Did you read the last 2 answers….. Come on, really

Strong in mind or strong in body? That directly relates to the current alcohol/caffeine/sleep/drugs ratio
What time do you wake up in the morning? About ½ an hour after I get up

What’s your favorite kitchen appliance? A Whisk……. See 3 questions ago if you’re still a bit unsure.

What makes you really angry? Australian idol

If you could play any instrument, what would it be? Pitching wedge

Favorite color? That yellow they use to print $50 notes

Which do you prefer, sports car or SUV? It’s Australia folks they’re called 4 wheel drives!!!!!! add this to the angry question

Do you believe in afterlife? Fuck No! I’m still coming to terms with this one

Favorite children’s book? Mr sneeze

What is your favorite season? McCormics spicy Italian

What’s your least favorite household chore? Painting the outside

If you could have one super power, what would it be? Gotta be x –ray vision….see answer to Q.5

If you have a tattoo, what is it? No I don’t but always wanted a footprint on the bottom of my foot…..wierd huh?

Can you juggle? Yep! Can you?

The one person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to? The foldback guy on last Saturday’s gig to tell him just how shit he really was.

What’s your favorite day? July 7 1984

What’s in the boot of your car? Dead bodies, gold bullion, wmd’s, you know, just the usual

Which do you prefer, sushi or hamburgers? pizza

Tag This Then.........

2006-08-02T12:42:00.000+10:00

1. What time do you get up?
that depends on what you mean by “get up” anytime from 6.30 to 10.30 on the weekends

2. If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be?
Heather, dosent happen often enough

3. Gold or silver?
Have to say silver, gold mouthpieces just don’t last as long

4. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Superman Returns, that Brandon Roth, he’s soooo cute

5. What is/are your favorite TV show(s)?
Top Gear best show ever

6. What did you have for breakfast?
I think it was a bowl of muesli, but my eyes were shut most of the time, one of those 6.30 starts you see..

7. Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with?
Any of the housemates from the last 6 seasons of Big Brother

Who would you want to be stuck with?
A Baseball Bat and any of the housemates from the last 6 seasons of Big Brother

8. What/who inspires you?
Motivated people

9. What is your middle name?
Ivor really, and I don’t look 1 bit Russian…..do i?

10. Beach, City or Country?
All 3 thanks

11. Favorite ice cream?
This is embarrassing, Golden Gaytime

12. Butter, plain or salted popcorn?
Oooh Salted, with butter please…… ok gotta go make some popcorn now, back to finish this later

13. Favorite color?
Boring. Blue

14. What kind of car do you drive?
Again boring, Dewoo, or Nissan hatch, but in trackmania nations I drive an Austin DB9 and when I win lotto, one of those will do me just fine for going down the shops

15. Favorite sandwich?
Buttered salted popcorn!! No, wait a minute, probably a bmt or toasted chicken, cheese & avacado

16. What characteristic do you despise?
Rudeness, meaness, playing out of tune and B.O.

17. Favorite flower?
Self Raising

18. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
Anywhere……..duh

19. What color is your bathroom?
Blue and yellow and as a consequence of that I don’t get pissed anymore, coz the hangovers are too painfull

20. Favorite brand of clothing?
None really, if I can find something that fits, I’ll buy it

21. Where would you retire to?
The Couch

22. Favorite day of the week?
Saturday Nite

23. What did you do for your last birthday?
Had a party at Maccas, Lots of fun!!

24. Where were you born?
I’m guessing a hospital somewhere….. box hill in melb

25. Favorite sport to watch?
Nude Ice Fishing

26. Who do you least expect to send this back to you?
Margaret Thatcher

27. Person you expect to send it back first?
Tony Barber

28. What fabric detergent do you use?
Omo Matic

29. Coke or pepsi?
Coke is it with Burbon

30. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
Definitely a night owl and good luck getting anything more than grunting sounds out of me before breakfast, coffee and a shower

31. What is your shoe size?
Same as my D**K size. No, it’s actually the same as my sock size

32. Do you have any pets?
Yep, but they’re a bit shy. Ben, a brown Lab, and Kira the noisy German Shepard

Now on to Georges Tag….

Four jobs I've had:
1. Making industrial adhesieve
2. Paper round
3 Hay Bailing
4. Brief stint in the i.t. industry

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1 Starwars 4,5,3,6,2,1 in that order
2. Lord of the rings trilogy
3. Any Bond film with Sean Connery
4. The Matrix.

Four important things to me:
1. The Missus, and the little tacker
2. O2, H2O,
3. Good Coffee
4. Gravity

Four tunes that play in my head:
It all depends on what I’ve just been playing
1. Current selections from the wiggles
2. Notice me Horton fron seusicial the musicial
3. I’m a believer
4. that’s all I,ve got room for……

Four favourite food dishes:
1. A good ravioli with calabrase sauce
2. Roast Lamb.
3. Fish & Chips
4. Pizza

Four websites I visit daily:
1. Ebay.
2. Cnet
3. Google
4. rickyloca.com.au (shameless plug)

Four scrap companies I like:
ok, stupid question, lets change it to : What store could I really damage the plastic in, given the chance…..
1. Katmandu
2. Music Junction Camberwell
3. Borders
4. Drummonds Golf

Four colours I like:
1. Blue
2. Matte Black
3. Titleist Golfball White
4. Manaro Silver

Four people I am tagging:
1 Tony Barber
2 Larry Emdur
3. Osama Bin Laden….could work
4. Bill Gates

Chicken Fu****s

2006-07-05T23:00:00.000+10:00

Howdy folks, I hope the day finds you well.

I just had to share the following S.M.S. with you all......
It’s a little ditty that was penned by a mate of mine Luke who was also on the chicken pluckers gig from the last post, except he got to dress up as a roast chook and play the tuba for ½ an hour and probably got paid twice as much as I did.

Anyhoo,
I was giving him shit for all of that and renamed the gig the Chicken Fu**ers ball.

Less than a minute later this is what he sent back….

Song for chicken fuckers gig:
Verse: Love me tender, love me through, each & every part.
Pluck my feather, baste my bits, stuff me or i'll fart.

Chorus: White bits fluffy, brown bits crunchy, bite me bit my bit.
If you decide you, want to fuck me, please make sure you'll fit!!

Pure
Unadulterated
Genius

Enough said.

It’s better to appear stupid than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

2006-07-04T14:12:00.000+10:00

Ok, so here’s the thing. I stated at the outset that this would be an occasional thing, so those of you who are serial bloggers just relax ok!

Not much has been going on.

I’ve had the odd gig here and there. We did the chicken pluckers ball with none other than Mr Tony Barber!!! Who in real life is just as classy as you remember him on sale, but tends to believe it too. I also had Bruno Lucia (the comedian, from all together now) playing my trombone on stage with me. He was in the wings having a perve on our dancers and I told him the view was better from the horn section, so he joined us. Lots ‘o’ fun and a little more down to earth than tony.

I forgot to take photos on my new toy though….. I got a new phone, one of those razar v3x’s very swanky!! And it even makes phone calls! but more importantly, it has a good camera so i'll have to start using it.

Speaking of toys I am also the proud new payer-offer of a DYSON (insert appropriate fanfare here) vacuum . I’ve always wanted one and the old vaccy finally blew up last week so I was able to get one on the whole 18 mths no repayments thing. Thank god for that. Boy oh boy though, she’s a beaut! Sucks the nails right out of the floorboards! Nothing else to report on the toys front… the thirst is willing but the purse is weak.

I’m currently experiencing the joys of all 3 of us being sick @ the same time. You know the one where everyone in the family takes turns being the incubator for the same virus as it treats you like stop-offs on a perpetual round the world tour of evil, just to land again the day after the little men in the yellow haz-mat suits have left your head and moved on to the next job. On the plus side, I have discovered shades of yellow and green that I never new existed so there you go.

I’ve become addicted to trackmania nations online which is probably another reason I haven’t blogged in a while, I’m too busy navigating loops and jumps at 500kph. Give it a go kids, it’s a free download and an absolute cack

As I write this I’m actually procrastinating from doing some practice so I best get on with it now that you all know I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth, and the cows haven’t come to visit me in the night!!

I’ll try to get some pics for the next one too…..

A hole in one..........or two

2006-06-07T11:18:00.000+10:00

Good Luck George

“FORE!”

2006-06-06T22:47:00.000+10:00

Well actually, for most of the day it was more like 7 or 8 which is quite sad really and I won’t bother to tell you all the final score. But needless to say, it wasn’t pretty.
Yep, it was golf day on sunday, so off to sunny Yarram I went and played a leisurely 20 holes with Nev. That’s right, 20, I turned left when I shoudda turned right and then had to backtrack 2 holes. Still, I need the practice, so there you go. I didn’t see any cows on the course but there were a lot of kangaroos. Don’t know if that’s significant or not really. Any golfers out there that haven’t played Yarram, do yourselves a favour, it’s a bottler of a course!

Some thoughts On golf and music……

- The more I practice, the better I play.

- The more I use my brain when I practice, the better I play.

- The less I use my brain when I play, the better I play.

- My swing is not that exciting.

- If you hear me shout “Oh Fuckitt”, there’s probably something bad coming your way.

- Both are really hard to be really good at and make money from, and a lot of the time i just end up standing around, playing with my balls.

Thought I’d look up the meaning of “fore” for all you curious people out there, and there is still a bit of debate on how the word came to be.

1. it is an adaptation of the naval terms “foreard” and “aft”

2. there used to be a caddy who would walk ahead of a group to see where shots ended up, he was called the forward caddy and golfers would yell to him if he was in danger of getting hit.

This one is my fave though

3. A popular theory is that the term has a military origin. In warfare of the 17th and 18th century (a time period when golf was really taking hold in Britain), infantry advanced in formation while artillery batteries fired from behind, over their heads. An artilleryman about to fire would yell "beware before," alerting nearby infantrymen to drop to the ground to avoid the shells screaming overhead.

Bugger that!!

I think i'll stick to the trombone........

I'm ok...............

2006-06-06T18:59:00.000+10:00

They're Cowming To Get You!!!!!!

2006-05-31T21:04:00.000+10:00

Well, that does it.

After reading the comments on my last post, I’ve decided to form a new secret society that is free and open to all..

It Is Called……the Club for the Overthrowing of Wild Stinking Rabid Bovines And their Descendants.
Or……

C.O.W.S. ’R’ .B.A.D.

To identify yourself as a member of Cows “R” Bad and thus as a member of the human race you should know the secret handshake…….

And also the secret salute…..

Look closely, it’s a pair of cow horns being flipped the “bird”, plus it clearly demonstrates our opposable thumbs and hence, total superiority over the bovine species.

Also you should know the password to gain entry to Cows “R” Bad meetings
“Moooooooooovealongtheresnothingtoseehere”

Cows “R” Bad meetings are being held wherever you see this sign………

Simply walk in, perform the secret handshake and you will be handed any one of a wide range of non-milk based products to help you maintain the strength to keep fighting the enemy. If you stay at the meeting long enough you might even work up the courage to tip a few cows over on the way home and help sway the balance of power back in our favour!! Just beware of the landmines though, i still have nightmares of the first time one explolded under one of my feet!!

So remember folks, lock up your tractors and keep the kids out of wide open paddocks because there’s cows in them thar hills…….

Cows….Evil or just misunderstood???????

2006-05-30T22:29:00.000+10:00

Here's one of the buggers

Ok, there’s been a lot of talk recently by some bloggers http://georgesfunkyworld.blogspot.com/ about cows and their many fine points, but I’m not so sure that we should just take them at face value.

I for one don’t trust ‘em

Lets take their appearance for one thing….. it’s a bloody camouflage pattern people!! Can’t you see?? Oh yeah, that’s right, camouflage ……..

4 stomachs?? What do they need 4 stomachs for? I’ll tell ya what for… eating small children that’s what!!

That whole chewing grass thing? Don’t buy that for a second…….They’re just mulling over the best time to strike.

And lets face it, they’ve got the perfect weapon…..

MILK!!!

You heard me, some day in the not too distant future, they do the old switcheroo and start spewing out Hydrochloric Acid, and finally the lactose intolerant will rule the earth……..well it’s either them or the vegans and I can’t see that happening.

So, to help fend off that fateful day, I’ve done a little research and posted a few links that might help save the human race…….for now

The Official Mad Cow Disease Home Page
http://www.mad-cow.org/

Aha!!! Cows punishment for being cows

Dissecting a cows eye
http://www.exploratorium.edu/learning_studio/cow_eye/coweye.pdf

Get your own back!!! Slice ‘em, dice ‘em, stick them on skewers and call ‘em kebabs….if they can’t see you, they can’t jump on you!!! (Don’t think they won’t)

Send a cow to Africa!!!
http://www.sendacow.org.uk/

That’s right, bubble wrap one & stuff it in a post-pack and if you send it surface mail it’ll be long dead by the time it arrives. Win –Win if you ask me, plus it’s one less of the bastards we have to worry about.

COWS!!!!
Don’t say you weren’t warned…… MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

He who dies with the most toys wins!!

2006-05-29T11:15:00.000+10:00

Toys, toys, toys.

I love ‘em, I want’em, I need ‘em and if I could just justify spending the money there would be no stopping me.

I mean, lets face it, I own 4 trombones for god’s sake. I’ve only got one set of chops, (some would argue even that J) so I can’t play them all at once but still I have 4 of them. Actually I’m trying to get round to selling the 3 I don’t use that often and buying either a new Shires or a Bach 42 so if anyone is interested in some slightly used horns, give us a hoy. Still, thank god I’m not a trumpet player. If anyone can collect gear, it’s those boys.
If you see one walking along and hear a strange jingling noise with each step, it’s not the cash from the 3 gigs they did last nite, it’s the 7 new mouthpieces they bought with it this morning. While I’m at it, do you know the trumpet players handshake? (shaking hand a little too firmly)”Hi, I’m better than you”

Where was I?

TOYS!!

Can you believe I’m trying to justify buying a pda phone?? ‘coz I’m not enough of a wanker already, I’ve gotta have the accessories that prove it. And it’s not to say that I’m not happy with my current setup of my trusty nokia and filofax, but I just have this niggling feeling in the back of my mind that there’s got to be a better way to waste time while still giving the impression that I’m actually doing something important.
Has anyone ever seen anyone actually doing work on a pda?? NO! They’re all playing solitaire and Tetris or trying to rebuild their contacts list after it crashed for the 200th time.

Here’s a scary fact…..

I own 7 different ways to make coffee, not counting instant....

2 plungers 1 big 1 small
3 stovetop espresso peculators on varying sizes
1 bodum ‘coffee bong’
1 krups espresso machine

Why????

Coz I can!!

TOYS!!!!!!

I’ve gotta get a higher paying job……….

The roast with the most

2006-05-28T11:25:00.000+10:00

Mary had a little lamb,
You've heard this tale before,
But did you know she passed her plate,
and had a little more?

what wonderful creatures lambs are, everything from woolly jumpers to giving us a way to make jokes about New Zealanders. And they taste just beaut with a bit of rosemary and garlic.

roll on 1pm i can smell it cooking

Cheers

Saturday Nite (do,do,dooo ,do,do ,do,do,do,do,dooo) apologies to barnsey

2006-05-27T21:06:00.000+10:00

So, what do normal people do on a saturday nite?????
Sorry, by normal i mean non-musos, or if you like , punters. Now i know what some of you do,
You go out.
Actually i managed to do just that last sat but more on that later....

Anyway, so you dress up and go out and spend a fair bit of your hard-earned going to places that i and most of my colleagues only set foot in when we are being paid to. (Crown anyone??) Now you might get the impression that i'm having a go at the way people spend their entertainment dollar, but that couldn't be further from the truth, 'coz that entertainment dollar is my salary and god bless you all for spending it.

While i'm on the subject, let me tell you what you've bought with that entertainment dollar of yours... (sorry, i like saying entertainment dollar. I'll stop now)
1. You've bought the right to wear pretty much whatever you want(if you're a chick) or the right to be told that your $200 designer jeans don't match the dress code(if you're a bloke)
2. You've bought the right to drink badly mixed, overpriced drinks with too much ice(if you're a bloke) or have the afore-mentioned drinks bought for you (if you're a chick)
3. You've bought the right to do whatever you want on the dancefloor......... honestly, cut loose, go nuts!!! WE LOVE IT! (guys, no karate moves please. you know who you are)
4. You've even bought the right to heckle the band if you wish. No, really, have a crack if you want, i don't care coz i'm not a singer and i don't have to think of a comeback. Just don't yell out "Play some Chisel" for gods sake or you'll just show yourself up for the bogan that you truly are. (more on them later too) And besides if you do chose to heckle, we've got a really freakin loud PA and lots of bouncers on our side........ do the math.

But there's one thing you 'aint bought

.....THE STAGE!!!

It's Ours!!, Fuck Off!!, Get Rooted!! Piss Off!! And Stay Off!!! (sorry, should have said earlier, this blog has a MA rating)

Honestly, just don't get up there and don't let your mates get up there either, unless we invite you, in which case you're most welcome and we hope you enjoy your stay. But, just 'coz we invite one punter up, for whatever the reason,(sometimes we just want a closer look, those lights can make it hard to see some of the finer details) that doesn't mean its now open season,

SO JUST STAY THE FUCK OFF!!!!

Oh, and don't forget to enjoy yourselves :)

image

2006-05-24T11:07:00.000+10:00

.....Oh well, why not then......

2006-05-23T20:14:00.000+10:00

OK, just read my brother in law, George's blog and decided to bash the keyboard for a while and see what shakes out....

I'm thinking that this will be an occasional thing but we'll see how we go ....